McClure's Magazine
Breaking News
History with Swear Words – Part 37 – The Fucking Crusades
There’s a stupid fucking idea going around that goes...
Neanderthal Lives Matter
I Am Sub-Human I know, I know, you’ve suspected...
In-Group Preference & the Game
Imagine you are on a soccer team. The opposing...
The Rohingya Deception
According to CNN and most every other Western news...
ISIS Versus Trudeau in Edmonton
Stupidity is Our Strength! In my hometown, Edmonton, some...
Shanghai Oil Contract is Black Gold
Shanghai Oil Contract threatens to overturn U.S. dollar hegemony....
Ben Shapiro at Berkeley 2017
Although I didn’t have a ticket to see Ben...
The Beaver Dam Letter
This is an actual letter sent to a man...
Marxists Upset They Have to Pay to Visit Karl Marx Grave.
Despite being famous for advocating a system without private...
Debunking Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Science in America
Celebrity scientist Neil Degrasse Tyson has a new video...
Trump Does the Unthinkable
As an entertainment journalist, I’ve had the opportunity to...
Wikileaks, CIA, and Michael Hastings
So I went to check out the latest Wikileaks...
No Rules, Too Many Rules, and Stifled Curiosity
Lately if feels like I’m living in a world...
The Gehlen Organization
German General Reinhard Gehlen went into hiding as WWII...
Universal Basic Income is Universal Basic Theft
When one asks why any libertarian would take Universal...
The Looming Conflict
It’s unfortunate. We approach the point where open conflict...
Berkeley Riot and the Bloody Question
Years ago, my dear friend Laura sighed, then said,...
A Cuban on Castro
Please don’t pretend to understand what happened on that...
Trudeau Eulogies
In his comments regarding the passing of Fidel Castro,...
The Joy of Propaganda
The purpose of propaganda is not to persuade, but...
Is France Next?
First Brexit, then Trump, could France be the next...
Progressives Looking Backwards
People who call themselves “progressives” claim to be forward-looking,...
Global Freezing?
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Internet, I’m afraid to...
Did a Canadian Mayor Refuse to Remove Pork from Menu for Refugees?
Muslims leaving the Middle East are trying to find...
Why Trump Won
Over this past year I’ve been called stupid, ignorant,...
Your Vote Doesn’t Matter – But You Do.
Did you ever have a dream that seemed so...
Why Trump Haters Really Hate Trump
It’s not the hair. Or the bad manners. Or...
2016 Election and the Art of the Possible
And I seriously thought 2012 would be the last...
The Other Side Absolutely Must Not Win
The past several weeks have made one thing crystal-clear:...
Rabbits and Wolves: The Sexual Evolution of Politics
There are two main sexual strategies in the animal...
Who Will Win the War on Error?
In May of 2018, the second year of Mrs....
Facebook Warriors
Today on Facebook I read the following statement: “WHITE,...
Tips for a debt-free life for Millennials
Research says that millennials aren’t ready to prepare for...
Canada’s Top Ten List of America’s Stupidity.
#10 Only in America… could politicians talk about the...
Kipling’s ISIS Solution. East is East and West is West.
Mencken was right, “For every complex problem there is...
Turkey No Surprise
Turkey? Orlando? Paris? So what else is new? I...
If Women Ruled the World…
Lesbian commentator Camille Paglia once wrote, “If civilization had...
The Wisdom of Prince. Quotes from the Purple One
Prince was more than just a musician, performer, dancer,...
Debunking the Cannot Eat Money Quote
“When the last tree is cut down, the last...
Sex, Religion & Civilization
Among civilized cultures there is a close relationship between...
RIP Kevin Randleman
Mr. Randleman impacted my life when I was around...
Is Congress Irrelevant? And What the Heck is a Boehner?
God’s truth, I do not know who Boehner and...
Smearing Scalia
Among the many sad signs of our time are...
The Common Nonsense on Terrorism
A few cheering thoughts on terrorism. This column specializes...
The Media Versus The Donald
In the feudal era there were the “three estates”...
University Professor Warns Politically Correct Students
In welcoming a new class, Mike Adams, professor at...
Showdown in San Ramon: A Clash of Civilizations
So I’m at Crown Billiards in San Ramon for...
Where Does ISIS Get the Money?
Numerous analysts believe these radical Islamists get much of...
Radical Islam’s War on Beer
While I was in Egypt this past summer, my...
Gun Control in France
In France, only licensed gun owners may lawfully acquire,...
The Islamic Inquisition and Modern Moderates
One of my dearest friends is a Muslim. She...
Veterans Money Stolen by Bad Design
By law, children of the one-hundred-percent-disabled combat vets can...
She loved it before she hated it.
According to CNN Hillary Clinton pushed the Trans-Pacific Partnership...
Dancing with Psychos
I remember in the early 90’s in Tucson, I...
Doing “Something” About Guns…
Another lunatic went on a shooting spree, and just...
Don’t Mess with Dr.Geezer
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and...
Don Bongino on Bernie Sanders
Former Secret Service agent Dan Bongino ripped into the...
Finland Sucks
Beggars can be choosy. And they are. For example,...
The Trump Paradox
What is it that puzzles New York about Trump’s...
Bear Faced Panic
After a photograph of an emaciated polar bear hobbling...
The Racist Clockmaker
So I’m going through airport security and the guy...
Who Gave Us the Weekend & Saved the Children?
Way back in the old days, sometime in between...
Why They Hate Us
A frequent theme nowadays is “Why do they hate...
Why I Love Both Donald & Bernie
Face it, you probably love one and hate the...
Facebook Magic Bullet Powers
For those that think social media has some kind...
HARRISON BERGERON by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal....
Making Racism Worse
It never stops, and won’t. Another state of emergency...
How to Deal with Haters
I’ve had four death threats. I’ve had several major...
Mother in Law: USA
The United States has embarked on a headlong rush...
A Communist asks “The Question.”
For many years I have lived in dread of...
Sylvester Stallone’s Dog Days
This is one of the SADDEST stories ever told...
English Pubs and American Indians
The local pub has been a part of English...
Euros, Gyros, Heroes, and Zeros.
The CNN “analysis” of a possible Greek exit from...
How Thomas Sowell Got Lucky
After my 85th birthday last week, I looked back...
Greece For Dummies
Mr. Greece really likes taking care of his family....
Slavery in Canada?
As Canada went to war in 1914, unwanted foreigners...
Get Your Money Out of Mutual Funds Now
BlackRock Inc. is seeking government clearance to set up...
Berkeley Word Game Totalitarianism
The political left has come up with a new...
Just Who are the Real Haters Here?
“I will never be able to hold her again,...
Gay Marriage Freedom?
In the old days, the slaves had to ask...
A Letter From Russian Immigrants to Governor Brown
Honorable Governor Jerry Brown, We are a group of...
You Are What You Say You Are?
Rachel A. Dolezal, the recently resigned president of the...
Was Jesus a Socialist?
On June 16, 1992, London’s Daily Telegraph reported this...
Stupid Doctors & How I Cured My Persistent Cough
For two years I was hacking up a lung....
How Plumbers Saved the World
Vaccines get all the glory, but most plumbers can...
Aeromobil: The Real Flying Car
Ever since the Jetsons, people have been laughing at...
Bagpipes on the Border
I’m still hopping mad about the US Government’s bagpipe...
Nine Things I’ve Never Asked a Woman
My date leaned over and asked, “What year is...
How to End Police Brutality Forever
I am going to make this as short and...
Left, Right & Elvis on Baltimore
Baltimore burns, that much is sure, but who is...
The War on Fathers
Not long ago, Megyn Kelly of FOX News went...
President Obama Fiddles While Baltimore Burns
During his press conference today, President Obama addressed the...
Feminist Destruction
We have suffered for decades now the squawking of...
Anthem: It Is a Sin to Write This…
It is a sin to write this. It is...
Isaiah’s Job
Isaiah’s Job is from Chapter 13 of Albert J....
Travel Hacking the IRS
Unlike many people, I do not have my taxes...
Cell Phone Cowards
Kids these days are punks and cowards. They can...
One Woman Versus the Tax Man
In a sense, the entire system of taxation is...
Mencken’s Bathtub and Social Security
In 1917, H.L. Mencken wrote an article to commemorate...
Apple CEO Tim Cook’s War on Pizza
A reporter went into Memories Pizza and asked an...
Mahatma Gandhi: Smartass
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College...
Iran Insanity and the War on Peace.
Most of the time, on most subjects, Rebublicans are...
The Craigslist Vasectomy
I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon...
The Snows of Kilimanjaro
Kilimanjaro is a snow-covered mountain 19,710 feet high, and...
How a Poor Boy Became the Richest Man in the World
Andrew Carnegie rose from humble beginnings as a factory...
Who Shot Down MH17? Reuters Lies…
A witness, whom Reuters reported saying he saw a...
The Wal-Mart Story
Why do they Hate Customers? One-hundred percent of the...
In Praise of Stupidity
The simple man heads straight for his goal like...
Stock Market Crashes, Then and Now…
The endless low interest, QE, and bond purchasing programs...
Animal Rights and Wrongs
A “right” is something that cannot, or at least,...
Diversity is a Disaster.
Diversity is a disaster. Why people cannot see this...
Fighting Terror by Punishing You
Economist Martin Armstrong warns that the twin attacks in...
Dead Horse Solution
A boy named Chuck bought a horse from a...
Ancient Chinese Secret – The Wisdom of Lao-Tzu
Lao-tzu founded Taoism when he wrote the Tao Te...
A Short Guide to Kindness, Compassion, and Politics
A Cheapskate Christmas Carol
Ladies and gentlemen, take two minutes to read this...
The Truth About Population
With seven billion people already on our planet, some...
Why Johnny Can’t Rede
After today, you’ll never have to read about education...
Black and Green
Eric Garner’s death was a senseless act of State...
How to Get Rich in Congress
Isn’t it strange how often middle class people get...
The Rolling Stone Rape Fiasco
The fiasco of “Rolling Stone” magazine’s apology for an...
Are Typhoons Getting Worse?
No one likes typhoons, with the possible exception of...
The True Story of Pearl Harbor
The day after Pearl Harbor, President Franklin Roosevelt stood...
No Man is an Island (Except This Guy)
My father wasn’t a king, he was a taxi...
History is for the Winners, Baby!
“History will be kind to me, for I intend...
10 Things Coffee Does to Your Brain
Legend has it that coffee was discovered 1500 years...
Ten Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime
Whether these changes are good or bad depends in...
The Amazing Amazon
Where Marta Ortega’s family used to raise pigs is...
Dumb Climate Deal is Dumberer
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry returned from China...
The Tiny Dot
In this entertaining video, Larken Rose explains the amazing...
News and Other Lies
These days, most people get their news from a...
Are “We” the Government?
Most people consider ‘government’ to be an institution of...
The World’s Strangest Political Quiz
Forget about the Conservative, Liberal pigeonhole stereotypes. Opinions vary...
18 Year-Old-Girl Wins State Election
Saira Blair, an 18-year-old freshman at West Virginia University,...
Election Rejection
Republicans won large majorities in both the House and...
The Senator in Heaven
While walking down the street one day a corrupt...
Countries Versus The Big Idea: Part 2
At the start of the First World War, the...
United Breaks Guitars
A musician named Dave Carroll recently had difficulty with...
Money Won’t Fix Africa, Freedom Will
Here’s how my Aug. 11, 2003, column began: “Anyone...
Glorifying Hitler or Flinging Mud?
Enough is enough. At Salon.com I encounter an article...
Definition of a Liberal
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of...
Countries Versus The Big Idea, Part 1
I like countries. Not because I like imaginary lines...
Canada is Shocked
Canadians were shocked in recent weeks as two Canadian...
Hillary Clinton and the Dept. of Making Shit Up
Hillary Clinton told an audience in Massachusetts, “Don’t let...
The Race to the Bottom
The other day I saw one of those guys...
To Tell the Truth
I’m pushing Mr. X down to Radiology in his...
Gene Simmons Said What?
Gene Simmons has a lot to say when he...
Ms. Yellen’s Imaginary Halo
Arguably the most powerful woman in the world, Federal...
Ebola Payola?
In what appears to be a staged “news” event,...
The “Trickle Down” Straw Man
Among the suggestions being made for getting the American...
The Flawed Definition of Nerd
So what defines a nerd to you? I find...
The 20 Stupidest Things Politicians Ever Said
“What right does Congress have to go around making...
Why Do Men Hate Shopping?
Of course, it’s cliche to say that, “Women like...
Day One Report: US Open 9-Ball Championship
Day One of the world’s premier pool championship is...
Real Life Policing Ain’t What You Think…
I sometimes wish that people knew more about cops,...
Ebola: Panic and Common Sense
The United States will begin “thermal screenings” of passengers...
IMF Wants to Reduce Risk by Encouraging Risk
The International Monetary Fund (IMF) finally realized what should...
Top 10 Deadliest Jobs
One might reasonably expect to find “hero” jobs such...
Anybody Seen America?
Mail arrives, telling me that by going to Mexico...
Apple vs. The FBI
Apple and Google recently announced that they are encrypting...
Eat More. Eat Smart.
A common misconception about weight loss is “eat less,...
Checking My White Male Privilege
Several decades ago, I was born. Purely by chance,...
Would You Like Toilet Water With Your Fries?
Would you rather have ice in your soda, or...
How Tyranny Came to America
One of the great goals of education is to...
Confessions of a Transgender.
A Redditt user who identified herself as transgender posted...
Do It Yourself Jihadism
Last week, Australian authorities thwarted a plan by Islamic...
Beating the Libertarian Strawman
If there is one thing that both liberal and...
Are Men Obsolete?
In a recent debate to decide the fate of...
No One Should Make that Trip Alone
The old veteran looked down at the boy and...
Permission Granted
I don’t know what it is with my generation...
A Spoonful of Sugar Makes the Prozac Go Down?
What if psychiatric drugs like Prozac and Zoloft were...
Dodd-Frank Law Bait and Switch
If you ever want to know the purpose of...
Alton Nolan and White Privilege
After being fired from his job at a food...
The 13 Million Dollar Question
A little while ago, I was invited to participate...
The Forbidden Car
The Forbidden City in Beijing used to be reserved...
UFOs: The Coyne Helicopter Incident
An Army Reserve helicopter nearly collided with a UFO...
The Bizarre Reason Your Health Insurance Plan was Cancelled
“If you like your plan you can…” oh never...
Never Underestimate a Boy Band
Every time some dumb Japanese politician (all over 65)...
Save the Women and Children… from Women?
LaTesha is a tough girl from Queens, NY, with...
What’s A Living Wage?
While we talk about democracy and equal rights, we...
Scotland has more Sheep than People
I once read that “Scotland has more sheep than...
Who Shot Down MH-17?
Not surprisingly, the Russian Union of Engineers accuse the...
UFOs and the Cold War: The RB-47 Case
On the night of July 17, 1957, a UFO...
Lending a Helping Hand, and Lifting a Finger.
Yesterday while waiting for my friend to open the...
MSNBC Host Picks Rand Paul over Hillary
Former MSNBC host Cenk Uygur, says he would bet...
Sean Connery on Scottish Independence
Having been on this journey to independence for more...
What Would Braveheart Do?
By Patrick Buchanan No matter how the vote turns...
Rethinking Sexual Abstinence in the Christian Church
In the face of child molestation scandals, Pope Francis...
A Letter of Separation of Right from Left.
Dear American liberals, I know we tolerated each other...
Winning by Losing: How Sanctions Really (Don’t) Work.
The EU stepped up its sanctions on Russia, aligning...
4 Lousy Reasons the U.K. Doesn’t want to Break Up with Scotland
The Scots are on the verge of voting themselves...
How Men and Women Think Differently. The Nothing Box.
Women are much more complicated than men. Men are...
11 Ways to Tell if Your Country is Run by Idiots
1. If you can get arrested for hunting or...
An Apology For Going To College
It is heresy in our time to intimate that...
UFOs and the Cold War – Part One
The index case for the modern UFO “epidemic” was...
Last of the Texas Wheeler Dealers
Known as the last of the Texas Wheeler Dealers,...
Nicola Tesla on Women: Shocking!
Over 100 years ago the Galveston Daily News interviewed...
The Top 20 Thomas Sowell Quotes
Some people have a knack for turning common sense...
The “Green Thing.”
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested...
Hooray for the Criminals!
Regardless of whether the athletes at Yuma High are...
Good News for Polar Bears
662,000 square miles of ice. More than twice the...
You’re Doing it Wrong
The “narrative” of Ferguson, Missouri changed somewhat. But, amid...
Think and Grow Rich
Timeless advice from Napoleon Hill: The majority of people...
What Cops Really Do
The police are out of control all across the...
Has Hillary Ever Been Right?
By Patrick J. Buchanan Sen. Rand Paul raises an...
Killing People is Not Nice.
I believe in equality. That is not to say...
The Anti-Asian Mayor
New York Mayor De Blasio wants to ‘solve’ social...
Irwin Schiff wants to know why he is in jail.
86 years old, partly blind, and lacking legal counsel,...
Minimum Rage
Some politicians argue that raising the minimum wage helps...
A Message from Elena
This video was released a month before the Malaysian...
McCainiac and Sillery
Both John McCainiac and Sillery Clinton have recently compared...
Whither Israel?
The Road to Ruad I first heard the phrase...
Men are from Earth
Men are not from Mars. Women might be from...
She Threatened to Shoot Me…
I was just sitting there, visiting with a good...
Poverty and Snowstorms
Many years ago, in upstate New York, there was...
I Almost Killed a Guy Today
I did it on purpose, and to be quite...
Economic Viagra
Known to many as the maker of the sex-enhancing...
So What?
Donald Sterling, Los Angeles Clippers owner, was recorded by...
The Magic Bank Account
Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in...
Modern Day Lynch Mobs
Some years ago I was married to a black...
Equal Pay for Equal What?
While interviewing candidates for a UX designer position, I...
Look West Before Crossing
A little more than 100 years ago, my ancestors...
The Republican Godfather?
One by one, they snuck into Vegas to dance...
Unless we Change our Ways… The Future Looks Awesome.
A recent NASA study predicted that civilization would end...
The War on Women
Some ideas are so silly you have to be...
Honorable Idiots
The Obama administration imposed new sanctions on Russia in...
For The Children?
Pop Quiz: If a school’s students are passing math...
The Long Shadow of the Future
A thousand generations of parental caring stands behind a...
What the hell is going on in Ukraine?
What the hell is going on in Ukraine? It’s...
He Lost a Fortune, But Not His Resolve…
Erik Voorhees lost over half a million dollars last...
No Gay Jokes
Here are two jokes that can no longer be...
The Real History of Slavery
Mention the word ‘slavery’ and most people think of...
State of the DisUnion Address
In his State of the Union address, President Obama...
Myths to Break for 2014
Why won’t those dummies on the other side smarten...
Men in Pink
Sheriff Joe Arpaio has some interesting ideas about crime...
By Their Fruit, Ye Shall Know Them…
Whenever we stand on the threshold of a new...
Baboons at the Wheel
Looks like the New York Times Paul Krugman has...
The Practical Feminist
“What you’re seeing is how a civilization commits suicide,”...
Where’s Snowden?
Edward Snowden says he feels like a winner despite...
Christmas Without Scrooge?
Charles Dickens wrote “A Christmas Carol” in the hope...
Do You Believe in Santa Claus?
Like many children, my parents told me that Santa...
Invest in Shower Curtains?
In the past decade or so I’ve noticed more...
Ducks in the Closet
Up until a few days ago, I had no...
Smart and Accomplished
Huma Abedin has done nothing wrong. As far as...
Watch Your Backside
It’s good to know that some American’s can still...
Cold Hard Facts
There were 1455 weather records set last week in...
Bibi and the Bomb
There was a bit of a hullabaloo over the...
5 Reasons I Stopped Taking the News Seriously
Back in the early 90s, I felt a need...
Wait Until Dark
It is almost six o’clock when the two Japanese...
Fairy Tales & Facts
Whenever a new and wonderful social program is enacted,...
Smart Women are a Dying Breed
All around the world, “smart” women are foregoing children...
The Light Bulb Lobby
Dear Congress, it has come to our attention that...
Confessions of a Too Big to Failer
I can only say: I’m sorry, America. As a...
Typhoon Tears
Typhoon Yolanda, may very well have been the strongest...
Paul Krugman is Nuts. Part 73.
We’ve lost track of all the nutty statements made...
Six Common Brain Mistakes
Think about it. Our brains are fabulous tools, the...
Social Security’s Sweet Lie
Every now and then, someone refers to Social Security...
The Great Extinction?
As humans live longer, more animal species are going...
The Happy Fascists
According to George Carlin: “When fascism comes to America,...
Making Sense
In the 1950’s America was, superficially at least, happy....
Bees and Al Sharpton
Years ago, someone said that according to the laws...
1 out of 10 Americans are Not Fooled By This Video
There’s a video making the rounds on Facebook and...
5 Things “They” Don’t Want You to Know About…
It might seem like we’re living at a uniquely...
Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid
When the Reverend Jim Jones told his followers they...
The Money of Fools
Thomas Hobbes said that words are wise men’s counters,...
Risky Business
Saul retired to Phuket, Thailand from New York City...
Life is Getting Better
All around the world, food availability, income, and life...
The End of Civility
Auburn Alabama prides itself on friendship and civility. So...
Washington Get a New Quarterback
The curious affair of Fred Mudgeon began in 2015...
Fools Rush In
It was two weeks ago today that Obamacare was...
Rock Hunters and Cool Whores
When someone says, “that’s cool,” it is a signal...
The Big Lie
In all the finger-pointing over the so-called government shutdown,...
Dollars Are Forever?
Imagine that you could pay for anything with an...
The Harry and Barry Show
It’s a shame that smacking people upside the head...
I Fought the Law, and Briffault Won.
“Breaking rocks in the hot sun. I fought the...
The Diner from Hell
Majority rule isn’t all its cracked up to be....
The Doctor Will See You Now…
Dr. Doug Nunamaker, a family doctor based in Wichita,...
The Cult of Multiculturalism
Long before the word was invented, the world has...
Champagne Socialism and Tequila
In my work, I sometimes rub elbows with the...
If She Had a Million
Khun Anuphan, a 76-year-old Muslim fisherman from Rawai, sold...
Permission granted
I don’t know what it is with people, but...
Putin’s Peace of Mind
A petition on the White House “We the People”...
The Big Freeze
Arctic Sea Ice levels were at record lows last...
The War on You
12 years ago yesterday, the so called “War on...
Middle East Meddlers
Did you ever stop to wonder why is there...
She Just Stared At Me
She was in her late twenties, with flowing brown...
Dirty Harry Syria?
So the Nobel Peace Prize winning President wants to...
The Impeachment of Franklin Roosevelt
Franklin Delano Roosevelt is considered by many to be...
Confucius Confused
“As a first step, I would see to it...
Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way.
Born without arms, Richie Parker is now an engineer...
Seven Super Spices
Every time you add herbs or spices to your...
Elmore Leonard RIP
The Dickens of Detroit passed away yesterday. Perhaps the...
Hockey Fight in Cambodia
I didn’t plan to get in a fight. I...
Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber
Who Will Be the Next Fed Honcho? Bernanke is...
Bono Goes to School
When George Ayittey saw rock star Bono in the...
How to Get Rich Not Buying Cars
Over the past 20 years I’ve bought two cars...
Bye Bye American Pie…
1,810 people renounced their US citizenship in the first...
The Great Global Warming Swindle
The antidote to Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth, this film...
Burning Down the House
I’m going to burn my house down. Then I’m...
Ban Cars!
It was an act of madness, one that no...
Oklahoma Sooner, Cheaper, and Better Too.
The Sooner State is leading the pack is the...
Who Killed Detroit?
MSNBC host Ari Melber, recently blamed the death of...
From Radical to Realist
Greenpeace founder, Patrick Moore has been ‘born-again’ as a...
The Prophet of Profit
Despised by some, deified by others, Ayn Rand is...
Boys Gone Wild
When I was a kid, my friends and I...
Can You Pass the 101 Year Old Test for Eighth Graders?
Apparently kids were pretty smart back in the day....
The Truth About Coconut Oil
You might have noticed that for the past 50...
Please Don’t Shoot the Drones
Hard to believe it’s been nearly 30 years since...
The History of Western Culture in 2 1/2 Minutes
Andrew Claven gives a mirthful overview of Western History...
Bill Really Said It.
I had my doubts that Bill Cosby actually said...
Love and Money
Why do people lie? I never thought about it...
Free Ferraris For Everyone!
In the never-ending quest to make things affordable, I’ve...
The Banned Coffee (Cup)
Rest easy citizen, Ohio Attorney General Mike Dewine is...
The Malignant Dane
Niels Finsen was 20 years old when the doctors...
Meet the New Klan, Same as the Old Klan.
In a 1981 trial in Mobile, Alabama, a jury...
Sum Ting Wong? Yes…
In medieval times the court jester was there to...
Girl Power and the Trouble with Boys…
I recently did some work for an organization called,...
Hurricane Zimmerman
There’s a dangerous storm brewing in Florida. Not in...
The 13 Million Dollar Question
A little while ago, I was invited to participate...
Plane Crash Correctness
Air travel is generally safe, but not 100% safe....
Scared Sunless
Our ancestors evolved in the sun, so it is...
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to QE
The Fed has been hinting that it might bring...
Bastard-O-Cracy in Egypt
Apparently the people in Egypt have risen up and...
The Best Teacher I Ever Had
When I was about four years old, my parents...
BART Holds San Francisco Hostage
373,000 people ride BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) every...
Brazil’s Currency War Comedy
If it weren’t so tragic it would be hilarious....
Letter From a Marine
I just wanted to write and say thanks. You...
Beware the Beard
Did Martians invade? Was there a big storm that...
Elbert Guilory Moves to the Right
State Senator Elbert Guilory recently announced that he was...
Man Put in Chains For Refusing to Give DNA
Georgia man is held in shackles and chains for...
George Orwell’s Animal Farm
Are some pigs more equal than others?  A timeless...

The Sexual Lives of the Bishops

CARNAL AND CONJUGAL LOVE AMONG THE BISHOPS OF LATE ANTIQUITY
EL AMOR CARNAL Y CONYUGAL ENTRE LOS OBISPOS DE LA ANTIGÜEDAD TARDÍA
Fabian d. Zuk, March 2014
Université de Montréal ~ Universidad de Salamanca

Abstract: Though the official position of the Catholic Church demands continence and celibacy of its clergy, this was not so in the early Church. The following article outlines the evolution of sexuality among members of the higher clerical orders and presents the Late Antique episcopus as a sexual being whose need for sexual expression within the confines of his position as exemplar of Christian values was resolved through Holy Matrimony.

SEXUALITY WITHIN CHRISTIANITY
“The human person is so profoundly affected by sexuality that it must be considered as one of the factors which give to each individual’s life the principal traits that distinguish it” . For many, ‘priest’, ‘monk’, ‘minister’ and other clerical titles bring to mind an ascetic who has eschewed the carnal world in favour of spiritual pursuits and this image is not so erroneous.

Indeed the Catholic Church and most Christian denominations espouse a policy of sexual restraint for parishioners and of sexual abstinence for men and women of the cloth.

Despite this seemingly asexual vision of the clergy, sources from Late Antiquity confirm that priests, bishops, deacons and even monks actively participated in the human sexual experience. We might wonder how they achieved this in light of restrictions placed upon them by Catholic canon laws. This paper explores the sexuality of these religious figures, offering concrete examples when possible, and ultimately aims to provide a description of sexuality among the episcopi of Late Antiquity.

To further understand sexuality as practiced by the Late Antique bishops, it is important to distinguish between the following terms: chastity, celibacy, and continence. To avoid further ambiguity we define these concepts from the onset. Chastity is the broadest of the three terms and refers to the innocence, blamelessness, or sexual purity of a person. Within the church lexicon, chastity refers to a virtuous or pure sexuality, i.e. a chaste sexuality, i.e. a state free from immoral sexuality. Incest, from Latin incestum, literally ‘un-chaste’ is an example of an immoral sexuality incompatible with Christian religious life.

Infidelity within marriage or sexual intercourse outside of matrimony in the Catholic tradition are two other examples of unchaste behaviour. A Christian who partook in unchaste sex acts would be labeled a fornicator, one who participates in fornicatio(n), literally meaning ‘prostitution’ or whoredom’. The church extended the meaning of fornication to all sex acts deemed as inappropriate, including sex outside of matrimony.

Chastity is sometimes confused with the second concept, that of continence or abstinence, and indeed no later than the thirteenth century, the meaning of chastity and continence merged into ‘abstention from sexual intercourse or sexual gratification’. In Late Antiquity however these terms were distinct. Continence within our period refers to total sexual restraint, a troublesome situation if that person practicing continence was in a marriage or other romantic relationship. Therefore to remain continent, distant from the sexual pleasures of a romantic partner, some chose to live in a state of celibacy, i.e. single, unmarried, or otherwise without sexual or romantic relations with another person. Celibacy was the ultimate demonstration of Christian chastity and continence. One who forewent married life also abandoned their sexuality to live in conformity with Catholic doctrine.

The following paper presents evidence for the sexuality of the clergy, especially of the episcopi, in Late Antiquity and intends to place that sexuality within a framework that accommodates both the requirement of sexual purity of the holy man and the sexual desires of the earthly man. Ultimately, these apparently conflicting needs were satisfied through holy matrimony.

EROS –THE SEXUAL PULSION
Modern sexual theory connects the scientific name sexualitas, with the ancient concept of eros, love rooted in sexual desire, the driving creative power which finds its source in penia and poros, lacking and resourcefulness. Eros therefore is a force triggered by incompleteness and desire. The lust of worldly things however was counter to the Christian objective of reaching communion with the Holy Trinity. Christians were to seek God in spiritual, not physical pleasures citing Galatas 5.17 “For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would”.

The denial of eros and the perceived evil of the flesh are two ideas which took root in Christianity at an early stage through contact with eastern Gnostic and Manichaean beliefs; the suppression of one’s eros and control of one’s lust were viewed as virtues. Christianity however, as a religion accepting of sinners and the deject, was open to those willing to live a Christian life. Paul, aware that humanity was driven by eros, wrote: “if they cannot [remain chaste], let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn [of lust]”. There is ample evidence for eros among the clergy of Late Antiquity. Saint Augustine attests to his own erotic passions in his confessiones. Augustine writes that the relationship he held with a long-term mistress was “a mere bargain of lustful love.” based on sexual gratification and though he remained with this one woman during fourteen years, he writes: “What held me so fiercely bound was principally the sheer habit of sating a lust that could never be satisfied.”

An exceptional letter from a Hispano-Roman Monk, Tarra, attests to the difficulty of the monastic community in resisting sexual urges. He writes that “there is no lack of monks desiring women.” In his defense against accusations of fornication by his local bishop, Tarra writes to his king “[since the passing of my wife] never again has a woman touched my lips with her embrace… [and neither] in the city of Emerita nor in all of Lusitania, have I ever known a prostitute. Rather the first and last woman of Lusitania to reside with me was my wife alone, who by fatal fortune was snatched from me by death.” Tarra’s language is surprisingly sensual and attests to the monk’s carnal relationship with his late wife. The letter is ambiguous as to whether the marital relationship continued during the monk’s life in the clergy or whether this marriage predated his ordination. The accusations do however attest to the importance of maintaining a chaste image. Indeed accusations concerning non-chastity were used to discredit political opponents such as Hispano-Roman bishop Priscillian of Abula, who in the late fourth century was persecuted and executed before a civil court under accusations of sexual deviance among other crimes. Accusations of non-chastity were powerful tools against political adversaries.

Regardless of the accuracy of these charges, Tarra’s letter is evidence that even monks devoted to a chaste life of asceticism were victims of their natural sexual desires. If ascetic monks were tempted by the flesh, there is no reason to believe that worldly and charismatic priests and bishops, were immune to sexual and romantic desires. In fact, we know from written account that even great leaders of the Christian faith felt sexual passion at one time or another. Augustine’s confesses his romantic and sexual experience in Carthage, writing “To love and to be loved was sweet to me, and all the more when I gained the enjoyment of the body of the person I loved. I thus polluted the stream of friendship with the filth of concupiscence and dimmed its lustre with the hell of lust…, I was not only beloved but also I secretly reached the climax of enjoyment” Most authors assume that the passage refers to Augustine’s relationship with his long-term mistress whom he never married. Had he, the guilt of his later years would have been much reduced on account of the sanctity of marriage, a theme to which we now turn.

MATRIMONY IN LATE ANTIQUITY

In the Roman Empire, marriage was a social contract made between a man and a woman of the same social class to formalise the bond of affection and respect between two people and to ensure the legitimacy and safety of progeny. The marriage was initiated by the transfer of a dowry from the bride’s family, and the giving of gifts by the groom. The arrival of Germanic peoples into the Empire, the Völkerwanderung, as of the fourth century introduced Germanic marriage customs to Western Europe. The Kaufehe, in which the groom negotiated an appropriate price for custody over his future wife, was similar in this regard to the Roman marriage custom. Christianity however, more than any other force affected Late Antique marriage customs, especially Christianity’s inheritance of Roman stoic ideals which saw marriage as the only legitimate context for sexual relationships between free man and woman. Sex was denigrated, especially by theologians such as Hieronymus who on account of his radical values, which shocked and irritated the citizens of Rome, was forced into exile for challenging the Roman people to renounce material lives in favour of virginity, chastity, and poverty.

By the late fourth century, Christian marriage had been summarised by Augustine of Hippo in the words: proles, fides et sacramentum, i.e. progeny, fidelity, and holy mystery. Augustine recognised that marriage existed for the purpose of procreation, to engender proles, i.e. offspring. The sexual relationship was therefore at the heart of Late Antique Christian marriage because it led to the creation of proles, which was the ultimate purpose of the sex-act: the reproduction of the species to assure survival. To Christians, it is the life giving power of intercourse that was sacred and not the erotic passion of eros. Also essential to both Christian and pagan marriages alike was the concept of fides, fidelity, especially, but not exclusively, that of the wife. Fides is the quality of the conjugal pact, the trust and honour which gives each spouse exclusive right to the body of the other. It is through fidelity that the paternal lineage and legal right to inheritance was assured. Perhaps unknowingly, it was through fidelity that sexual health was preserved, and on a psychological level, it contributed to the wellbeing of the couple and their children. Fidelity was thus integral to the definition of marriage while on a personal level it protected the psychological wellbeing of the family unit.

The Christians of Late Antiquity did not seek to redefine the Roman concept of marriage in which the pacto coniugalis, the will to be joined, made the marriage. In fact they themselves lived under Roman civil marriage for over three centuries. While the above two qualities were common to both pagan and Christian marriages, Christianity introduced a third element, sacramentum , to the concept of marriage. Augustine characterised this sacramentum as “the in-dissolvable perseverance of a man and woman united as a couple as long as both shall live”.

Though marriage as an unbreakable bond was an ideal of the church fathers, the harsh punishment placed on those who remarried may find its origins in a more practical place. One hypothesis has it that woman had a great deal of liberty both financially and personally in Late Antiquity and that many were quite libertine with their sexuality. If the church fathers were so adamant on preserving marriage and punishing those who found a second spouse, it may be that the church fathers were themselves victims of women’s whims. Alternatively the church patriarchs were concerned that changing loyalties between partners would cause societal instability and negatively affect the church and the spread of Christianity.

In time, marriage ceased to be a legal bond of inheritance and was raised to the level of a holy relationship equal to that between Christ and his church. The sacramentum is the most complex aspect of Christian marriage. In short it united husband and wife in a sacred bond of love derived from God. In the best of cases it integrated the Roman concepts of honor matrimonii and affection maritalis, care and affection that a husband showed for his wife, which otherwise are absent from Augustine’s definition.

This final point, the sacramentum, conflicted with the secular tradition as it applied heavy moral devaluation to separation and divorce, freedoms which had been available to Roman citizens of the pre-Christian empire. Marriage in the Christian sense ceased to be a mutually beneficial state of accommodation and instead became an institution of social organisation allowing for legitimate sexual access to another person. This ordering of the marital elements: proles, fides et sacramentum is hierarchical. Though chastity was prized, this was not so if it went against a husband’s desire procreation.

Morally a husband could refuse his wife’s desire for chastity until the birth of requisite heirs was attained, a position reinforced by Augustine who chastised a woman for living in continence against her husband’s desire. Unsurprisingly, the new Christian marriage designed by the church fathers, was construed to continue the ancient roman social ideal of patriarchal dominance in the home and in society.

THE CELIBATE, THE CHASTE, AND THOSE WHO PROCREATE
The world of early Christendom redefined acceptable sexual practice especially among the clergy who were drawn from among the well-off decurional and senatorial classes. This was especially true of the bishops, men of great education, great wealth, great prestige, and descendants of powerful aristocratic families. Though holy men, the bishop in the late Roman world was a successful self-realised man, professionally, intellectually, personally, and spiritually. With that self-realisation, we can imagine that bishops were also successful in their sexual endeavours. The role of the pensive and chaste holy man was reserved to monks and other ascetics, who as we have seen, were themselves tempted by sexual desire. The bishop meanwhile as the public face of the early Christian church was a father unto his flock, a lover of the poor, a family man, a defender of his wife, a role model for his children, a teacher in his community, and yes, the bishop was a sexual being driven by hormones and power as much as the next.

We can confidently assume that the majority of clergymen desired sexual and romantic contact; Restraint from these activities was therefore a direct testament to one’s will power and devotion to God. In Antique society, modeled and maintained on the preservation of family units in the objective of procreating and society, it was only natural that a preacher should have a family just as any other man. The New Testament provides clear evidence of married Christian ministers. In fact as of the second century, marriage was a characteristic feature of the bishop. He is described as faithful to his one wife, a manager of his household [and] responsible for the proper behaviour of his children. Just as politicians today endeavour to display themselves as “family men” to gain political clout, the bishops of Late Antiquity, as heads of a family, demonstrated their capacity to guide with love and govern his church. Indeed, “… if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he care for the church of God?” Marriage and the rearing of children were thus evidence of a man’s capacity to lead the early Church.

Fidelity towards one’s wife could translate as a greater capacity for fidelity to God’s law and to the community. The early bishops testify to the importance of personal fidelity, even beyond marriage. Augustine demonstrated this fidelity in his dedication to his mistress and to his son through her. He wrote, “I took one woman, not joined to me in lawful marriage … yet I had but that one woman, and I was faithful to her”. This pact with his mistress occurred quite young, before his nineteenth birthday surely, in Carthage and ended a couple of years before his 387 AD baptism. He had one other mistress before joining the clergy in his mid-thirties. “Augustine lived the rest of his life, forty-three years, until he died in 430 at the age of seventy-six, without further sexual activity at all. Even by today’s Western standards or the standards of idealist Christians, Augustine’s sex life was quite typical.”

EPISCOPÆ AND EPISCOPAL DYNASTIES
Who were these women married to the bishops, these episcopæ? Often they were themselves daughters of wealthy decurional families, educated, and dedicated to the church. One Gallic episcopa, Magnatrude the wife of bishop Badegesil of Le Mans was a formidable woman who on the passing of her husband entered into conflict with the newly elected bishop over the inheritance of material goods which she claimed for her family and which the bishop claimed for his church. The episcopa was evidently powerful; her private army resisted an attempt by the constable of the Bergundian to kidnap her daughter. Despite her personal power, Magnatrude was heavily criticised by bishop Gregory of Tours for her supposed corrupting influence on her late husband. In Gregory’s words, she led her husband, the bishop, to torture men and women and to lead a life of excess.
Episcopal marriages were often political.

In fact, the marriage of a clergy member to the daughter of a prestigious family could raise a man’s prestige, increasing his chances of being elected to the episcopacy as in the case of bishop Leontius II of Bordeaux who married an aristocratic woman, Placidina, who through her father Arcadius was descended from the Gallic emperor Avitus. Obviously, it was also advantageous to the bride’s family to have a bishop in the family. Considering the distinguished origins of the bishops, and the origins of their wives, it is apparent that the continued pre-eminence of their families was of high importance.

The survival of the family and the establishment of dynasty were therefor assured by marriage and the procreation of children prior to the assumption of sacerdotal office. This was the case of Lupus, bishop of Troyes from 426-478 who as a young man had married, only to leave that sacred bond after six years to enter the Abbey at Lérins. The case of Lupus is intriguing, as his wife was none other than Pimeniola, sister of bishop Hilarius of Aquileia. Lupus’ divorce after six years of marriage allowed him both to beget offspring and to enter the priesthood; perhaps more premeditated than coincidental. The marriage of aristocratic families with close ties to the Gallic episcopacy confirms the intent to establish episcopal dynasties.
Episcopal sees in Gaul and Hispania were often inherited between family members.

Venantius Fortunatus, a Latin poet, and eventually himself bishop of Poitiers, left us epitaphs which illustrate episcopal inheritance such as that of the Ruricii, grandfather and grandson, bishops of Limoges. The epitaph of bishop Eumarius of Nantes likewise declares the succession of his own son to that same see. One bishop, Cronopius of Périgreux was even descended from distinct episcopal families both on his mother’s and his father’s sides. Pope Gregory the Great himself was descended from a clerical family of patrician Romans. His own mother and two of his paternal aunts were sainted by the Catholic Church. Furthermore, Gregory’s great-great grandfather had been Pope Felix III. Gregory was thus descended from a long line of patrician-ecclesiastics: a veritable dynasty. Though the family was obviously powerful, Gregory’s youngest aunt, a nun who had been renowned for her sanctity, renounced religious life in order to marry the steward of her estate. In response to the scandal Gregory replied that “many are called but few are chosen”. Gregory’s vision of clerical celibacy is echoed in the comments of rogue Catholic priest, Bernard Lynch who commented in a recent interview that “celibacy is a gift from God [but only] a very small minority of women and men are gifted with this”.

EPISCOPAL CELIBACY
Paul himself wrote that his chastity was a gift from god and though he wished celibacy upon all man, he recognised that “every man hath his proper gift of God…”. Though few were chosen to live in total abstinence; temperance and moderation were respected in the ancient world, just as they are today. Stoic philosophy, which was popular in the Late Roman Empire, propounded that “human beings needed only to control their passions … to live in tune with nature and its laws”. Control of sexual urges was a part of stoic behaviour. Chaste sexuality was among the key elements of temperance and a sign of a strong will. Of the lay-Christian, the church demanded sexuality within respect of Christian values, and of the clergy, continence.

The ideal of continence is in direct contradiction to the tradition of Palestinian Judaism in which procreation was the religious obligation of every Jewish male. Complete abstention from sexual intercourse was therefore a development within Christianity that differentiated it from its Jewish origins and the clergy and bishops were meant to exemplify this virtue. As Christian role models, the clergy fell under increasing pressure to demonstrate chastity as testified to in fourth-century cannon law from the province of Hispania Bætica, where it was declared that:
“… bishops, priests, and deacons who engaged in illicit sexual activity while exercising their clerical duties, shant receive communion until the end of their days on account of the scandal and the baseness of their crime”.

Clerical chastity was thus a real concern by the 306 Council held at Illiberis and in this regard Hispania was at the forefront of the struggle. Henceforth bishops were to withhold from sexual contact with their wives. Thus in the fourth century, we are witness to an effort by the church to legislate the charisma of continence. Still today clerical circles debate whether charismata can be legislated. The thirty-third canon of that same Council held in Illiberis states that clergymen should avoid (sexual contact with) their wives. Intrinsically linked to abstaining from their wives, they should also avoid putting children into the world. Despite this legislation, bishops and clergy continued to reside with their wives. The late fourth century Concilium Carthagenensis passed a similar canon stating “that bishops, priests and deacons, guardians of purity, abstain from conjugal intercourse with their wives”.

The need to repeat such laws suggests that legislation was insufficient to compel the clergy to comply. Then as now the clergy was divided on this point. A century and a half later, in 458, Pope Leo the Great wrote: “in order for the union (of bishops, priests, deacons) to change from carnal to spiritual, they must, without sending away their wives, live with them as if they did not have them, so that conjugal love be safeguarded and nuptial activity cease”. The fifth century Codex Theodosianus also supports this cohabitation stating that “those women who lawfully obtained marriage before their husbands assumed the priesthood should not be deserted for those women who made their husbands worthy of the priesthood … are not unsuitably joined to clerics”. As the above passage indicates, the clergyman and his wife were to live in a brother-sister relationship, that is, one without sexual contact. Pope Gregory writes that:
“In the [ ] province of Nursia … a priest dwelt … and although he had taken orders, he still loved his wife, as a sister, yet he avoided her as his enemy and never would he permit her to come near him upon any occasion, abstaining wholly from all intercourse of familiarity, for this is a thing proper to a holy man, oftentimes to deprive themselves of those things which be lawful … therefore this man not to fall into any sin, utterly refused all necessary and requisite service at her hands”.

If the anecdote presented above suggests an imperfect relationship, more striking still are the last words of the “bishop on his dying bed, [who] when approached by his wife … spoke out with great fervour “get thee away woman!” The bishop did not dare jeopardise his entry into heaven on account of end of life inchastity.
Despite the difficulty of continence, church fathers are claimed to have respected these canon laws. Tertullian, a married man, writes that some lay people practice continence within marriage. Hieronymus and Augustine also practiced continence. Though continence in matrimony was seemingly possibly, for many this ideal was unattainable. Continence was in diametric opposition to the desire for progeny and sexual gratification, and on account of the temptation that a wife could place in the path of a holy man there was increasing pressure within the ecclesiastical community that the clergy remain not only chaste, but also celibate. The spread of celibacy was slow however. In mid-fifth century-Gaul, married clergy are still attested. Canon law mandated that bishops publicly declare their devotion to continence in order to prevent lapses on account of presumed ignorance of the canons.

EPISCOPAL CELIBACY
In 325 AD, roughly twenty years after the council of Illiberis, it was proposed at the First Council of Nicæa that all married clergy forgo conjugal relations with their wives. The motion was blocked at the behest of the ascetic Paphnutius a highly regarded bishop of Upper Thebais in Egypt. Paphnutius was himself unmarried and chaste; he had lost his sight in one eye and had suffered mutilation during Diocletian’s persecution of the Christians, yet despite his own state he upheld that clerics should have it within their power to choose chastity for themselves. At the Council of Nicæa, Paphnutius declared:
“too heavy a yoke ought not to be laid upon the clergy; that marriage and married intercourse are of themselves honourable and undefiled; that the Church ought not to be injured by an extreme severity, for all could not live in absolute continence: [and by not prohibiting married intercourse] the virtue of the wife would be much more certainly preserved. The intercourse of a man with his lawful wife may also be a chaste intercourse. It would therefore be sufficient, according to the ancient tradition of the Church, if those who had taken holy orders without being married were prohibited from marrying afterwards; but those clergymen who had been married only once as laymen, were not to be separated from their wives”.

Though clerical celibacy was not accepted into the fundamental tenants of orthodox Christianity, the grounds had been laid for reformed chastity in the Roman occident. By the end of the fourth century, patristic writers such as Hieronymus (c.347) and Ambrosius (c.339-397) maintained in their writing that though marriage was a noble pursuit, celibacy was an even greater spiritual condition and that abstinence from sexual contact was angelic. Ambrosius writes: “they who marry not nor are given in marriage are as the angels in heaven”. Another bishop, Origen of Alexandria (ca. 185-254) believed that lifelong celibacy “suppressed the claims of the body and so enabled the speedier progress of the soul towards its ultimate, posthumous reconciliation with God.” Indeed numerous authors cite the benefits of periodic abstinence from sex for health reasons. And thus to separate the presbyter from base human desires and to bring him closer to God, clerical continence grew in popularity.

Under the pressure of ascetic ideals, chastity in its nth degree came to be embodied in total abstention from sex. Ascetics increasingly eschewed earthly things, seeking proximity to God through denial of earthly needs such as food, hydration, and sexual satisfaction. Sex, as the only of these nourishments which could be foregone entirely without causing death was highly praised by the ascetic communities. Continence was so powerful because it “… involve[d] turning the great magical force of human fertility, unspent and unweakened by normal usage, into a magical channel.” Though Christianity did not associate fertility with magic; the preservation of sexual powers was well grounded in Judaism and the Hellenistic cults from which Christianity sprang. Continence was therefore recommended as a path to spiritual power and oneness with God and as previously noted was integrated into cannon law at the first Concilium Illiberi. By the fourth century, the bishops of Bætica had assimilated the notion that sex “in some mysterious way … defiles the celebrant of the Eucharist”. This belief was not novel, in fact the Jews had similar constraints on religious activity while ritually ‘unclean’, citing Leviticus 15.16, “if a man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even”.

In addition to the taboo surrounded sex, theologians argued that celibacy sought to transform clergymen from the selfish, self-replicating concerns of the layman into a “man of service to humanity”. It is this law of continence that inhibited and obliged clerical celibacy, for how could a man join himself in matrimony with a woman yet forego the carnal consummation of their passion. In fact, on account of proles, a marriage without consummation through intercourse was no marriage at all. Thus is the Roman west, the imposition of continence on the upper orders of the clergy made celibacy a requirement. The ideal of celibacy however was overridden by the sacramentum, the sacred bond of marriage. If a man was married upon his ordination, it was a greater sin to abandon his wife than to be tempted by sexuality. Thus men who had married in youth and come to the church at same later point in life were permitted to remain in holy matrimony. A man wishing to have wife and children was thus wise to begin his family before entry into the clergy. For those however who as young men failed to contract a marriage and beget offspring, the illicit option of having sex despite canon law would have been a constant temptation. Though ritual confession did not develop until the 13th century, the concept of penitence existed in early Christianity and among the patristic writers. This absolution of sins may have aided the clergy in navigating the difficult balance between respecting canon law submitting to human desires.

A SOCIETAL CONFLICT
Augustine in his confessiones writes with regards to his late conversion to Christianity: “The plain truth is that I thought I would be impossibly miserable if I had to forego the embraces of a woman”. Indeed, many clergymen could state the same. Sex was the picayune against “which Augustine’s God had to compete.” Perhaps to some, chastity came naturally, though asexuality in the population is very low. Literary sources attest to asexuality. In his confessiones Augustine writes with regards to a close friend, Alypius, who in 394 became bishop of Thagaste in Roman Africa that “[Alypius] was quite extraordinarily chaste. Early in adolescence he had had the experience of sexual intercourse, but it took no hold upon him. Indeed he regretted having done it and despised it and from then on lived in complete continence” Still, we cannot assume that most asexual people had the inclination to join the clergy nor that the clergy was made up primarily of asexuals.

The question of marriage was very much a Catholic problem; Arian Christians show no signs of inhibiting marriage among their clergy. In Visigothic Hispania, clerical marriage was among the distinguishing features between the Arian and Catholic clergy. When in 589, the Third Council of Toledo was held to resolve religious tensions between Arians and Catholics within the kingdom of Visigothic king Reccared, it was commanded that previously Arian bishops, priests, and deacons should cease to live with their wives upon conversion to Catholicism. Even after conversion, the Arian tradition remained strong in Hispania, and at the 592 second Concilium Cæsaraugustamun, the Catholic clergy was forced yet again to crack down on those previously Arian bishops who refused to give up a common life with their wives.

It was not only Arians who refused to follow the laws of chastity. Indeed the constant repetition of laws treating clerical continence at the ecclesiastical councils strongly suggest that the canon laws were not respected. The reoccurring canons treating the marriage of the clergy through the fourth to seventh centuries suggest that matrimony was an enduring problem within the church of Late Antiquity both in Gaul and Hispania. Not even in Italy, nor Rome were complete clerical chastity, continence, and celibacy observed. A sixth century bishop who became Pope Homisdas (514-523) was married. Furthermore Homisdas’ own son Silvarius, became Pope in turn from 536-537. In the middle east as well, as late as the seventh century, bishop Theodorus of Jerusalem had a son who would go on to become Pope Theodorus from 632-649.

How we me might wonder, were the married bishops judged by the community? There is little evidence that the marital status of the episcopi affected their prestige or esteem in the eyes of the population. The fifth century sermons of the poet and later bishop, Sidonius Apollinaris are favourable to episcopæ and to episcopal marriage. An eventual bishop of Poitier Venantius Fortunatus was also favourable to episcopal marriage as attested to by the epitaph he wrote for Euphrasia the wife of bishop Namantius of Vienna who died in 559/560. Venatius Fortunatus’ was in the pay of his episcopal patrons, and his epitaphs therefor paint a positive image of these episcopal families but for lack of testament from the common man, we are unable to draw conclusions about society’s reaction to episcopal marriages.

One might wonder how, if a large number of bishops disregarded the laws regarding chastity, did these canons pass the test of a majority vote during the episcopal councils. On the one hand, great senatorial families of clarissimi occupied numerous episcopal sees. We can see in their faction the desire to expand the power of their families using the episcopacy as a title among many to increase their own regional dominance. On the other hands the clarissimi had to compete with every other brand of Christianity which also wished to gain recognition as officially orthodox. Perhaps most powerful among these, were the monastic communities which saw their numbers swell from the later third century onwards, especially in Egypt where Christianity was characterised by a strong Gnostic tradition. These ascetic movements were based on the withdrawal from family, community and urban culture including the church hierarchy which held power in the civitates.

In isolation, these ascetics sought direct contact with God, free of intervention by intermediaries. Some of these communities were massive such as that of the White Monastery of San Shenute, which at the end of the fourth century counted 4000 monks. Furthermore, Arianism, had become a concern to religious leaders in the fourth century, and the then bishop of Alexandra, Athanasius was successful in bringing the monastic communities onto the side of the Nicene Christians, especially through his work the Vita Antonii.

Of equally great importance was the contribution of bishop Basil of Cæsarea, classically educated and descended from an aristocratic family who pushed for balance between work and prayer in monastic communities and is considered the father of eastern monasticism. Basil greatly influenced Saint Benedict who in the sixth century established the Benedictine tradition in the west.

Indeed, bishops of the fifth century seem to be drawn from these two distinct groups, the monastic communities and the families of local aristocrats, with the later losing ground theologically to the former who pushed for clerical celibacy. Indeed, it may be that the conflict between these factions was resolved when the aristocracy came to accept ascetic ideals. Christianity was very much dominated by the Eastern Church in Late Antiquity; Rome after all had shifted its political center to Constantinople. It is therefore not surprising to see the bulk of eastern influence in those areas of Western Europe which were the most heavily Romanised and subject to oriental-Roman influence. Hispania Bætica with its long tradition of Roman urban structure is unsurprisingly the source of that fourth century canon urging clerical chastity.
DA MIHI CASTITATEM ET CONTINENTIAM, SED NOLI MODO.

Though chastity and celibacy were in effect legislated by the end of Late Antiquity, it is extremely doubtful that clerics and bishops alike, even the most devout, were able to live up to the ideal of total continence imposed by the religious canons. Celibacy, as more than a lack of sexual activity, is a state of mind only achieved through a process of developing relationship patterns conducive to celibacy, the internalisation of celibate ideals, and the integration of this celibacy into the cleric’s life, a journey which the clergy navigated with great difficulty. Even today only an estimated 50% of Catholic priests are practicing celibacy.

In the late sixth century, Pope Gregory the Great wrote a guidebook on pastoral care, the liber regulæ pastoralis, yet nowhere within it does he offer advice on the handling of conjugal relations, which suggests that the marital status of bishops and clergymen remained a controversy too delicate to treat in a handbook. At the time of writing, Italy was divided between Gothic kings and the Byzantine forces of Justinian I. Furthermore plague had swept through Italy. On account of the fragile political situation and the scarcity of labourers, the church in its relative weakness was accommodating compared to that of the twelfth century for instance when Pope Calixtus II went so far as to order that for clerics of the major orders “marriages already contracted … be dissolved, and that the perpetrators be condemned to do penance”. Chastity remained a concern however. In a letter to Symmachus the defensor concerning the construction of a fortified monastery, Gregory writes, “that priests who abide in Corsica shall be forbidden to have contact with women, except if she be his mother, sister, or wife, towards whom chastity should be observed.” A letter to subdeacon Anthemius states that even in the face of flight before the barbarian invaders, monks should under no circumstances shelter woman if any other option avails itself.

The decline in married episcopi was slow, echoing the words of Augustine: da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo. Still in the seventh century married bishops such as Arnulf of Metz are present in our sources. Arnulf’s own son Chlodulf even went on to became bishop of his father’s diocese. In the Byzantine East, Emperor Justinian legislated that “A bishop is not permitted to have a wife, and if he is proved to have one, he shall be degraded from the rank of which he has rendered himself unworthy”. Thus as of the sixth century bishops were increasingly chosen from among celibate monks rather than from among married priests. The eastern opposition to married episcopi may also have contributed to the decline of married bishops in the post-Roman occident. The real death of episcopal marriage in the west came however with the expansion of Benedictine monasticism in the Early Middle Ages. Only in the eighth century do we cease to note episcopæ in Gaul and only then did the domus ecclesiæ cease to accommodate them. There may still have been occasional cases of episcopal marriages in the west, but by 1139 a decree by Pope Innocent II at the Second Lateran Council rendered all clerical marriages void.

Without access to historical statistics, our best tool in evaluating clerical chastity in Late Antiquity is the consistency of human biology and behaviour. Multiple cases of episcopal marriage and clerical lust have been presented throughout this paper assuring us that clerics of Late Antiquity were sexually active. Then as now, sex was a taboo subject and being found in the clasp of lust was an embarrassment for the guilty clergyman and the church as a whole; it is unsurprising that the evidence for clerical sexuality is not more abundant. Still, for every text which explicitly refers to a married bishop, we should expect there to have been many more undocumented cases. In the early centuries this would be on account of the banality of episcopal marriage, and from the sixth century onward, the lacunæ in our evidence likely stem from intentional omission and suppression of these details. Alas, though celibacy was imposed upon the clergy, the sexual desire and the eros of priests, young and old, was never fully sublimated.

There was of course a conscious desire by the clergymen themselves to suppress their sexual desires and environmental contexts in monasteries, rectories and the episcopal palaces were also non-conducive to romantic-sexual relations.

This paper has demonstrated the sexual attitudes of the clergy in Late Antiquity and argued that for the bishops descended from aristocratic families and preoccupied by the survival and expansion of their family, matrimony represented the ideal context in which to prosper both in the religious and civil spheres. Marriage among the upper orders of the clergy was common in the first through sixth centuries, but was increasingly contested by ascetic factions which pushed for celibacy among the clergy. With the expansion of monasticism in the post-Roman occident, episcopal marriage became increasingly difficult until it was abolished altogether in the twelfth century. Despite canon legislation, continence remained a problem for the clergy on account of eros, a prime motivation in all people. Though the official celibacy policy of the Catholic Church has pushed eros and even legitimate matrimony among the clergy into the obscurity of time, it is my hope that this paper will have contributed to unmaking the myth of clerical asexuality.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Ambrosius: “De virginibus ad Marcellinam sororem sua libri tres” (CPL 145). Fr. Milano Gori, Bibl. Ambrosiana, 14, 1989; Ed. Filip Schaff, Ambrose: Selected Works and Letters – Christian Classics Ethereal Library, 2009. Available at: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/schaff/npnf210.html.
Augustinus Hipponensis: “Confessiones” (CPL 251). Verheijen, Corpus Christianorum, series latina 27; John Rotelle – The Complete Works of St. Augustine, Confessions, Study Edition, New York, New City Press, 2012.
———. “De Nuptiis et Concupiscentia” (CPL 350). F. Urba, Zycha, Sancti Aureli Augustini De perfectione iustitiae hominis, De gestis Pelagii, De gratia Christi et de peccato originali libri duo, De nuptiis et concupiscentia ad Valerium comitem libri duo, Pragae-Vindobonae-Lipsiae, 1902 (Corpus Scriptorum Ecclesiasticorum Latinorum 42), 207-319; Philip Schaff – On Marriage and Concupiscence, Extract from Augustin’s “Retractions”, Documenta Catholica Omnia. Available at: http://www.documentacatholicaomnia.eu/03d/0354-0430,_Augustinus,_De_Nuptiis_Et_Concupiscentia_%5BSchaff%5D,_EN.pdf
———. “De adulterinis coniugiis”(CPL 302) – J. Zycha, Sancti Aureli Augustini De fide et symbolo, De fide et operibus, De agone christiano, De continentia, De bono coniugali, De sancta uirginitate, De bono uiduitatis, De adulterinis coniugiis lib. II, De mendacio, Contra mendacium, De opere monachorum, De diuinatione daemonum, De cura pro mortuis gerenda, De patientia, Pragae-Vindobonae-Lipsiae, 1900 (Corpus Scriptorum Ecclesiasticorum Latinorum, 41), p. 341-410.
Bogært, Anthony F., “Asexuality: Prevalence and Association Factors in a National Probability Sample”, Journal of Sex Research, 41/3 (2004): 279-287.
Boswell, John, Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century, Chicago, University of Chicago Press, 2009.
Brennan, Brian, “Episcopæ: Bishops’ Wives Viewed in Sixth-Century Gaul”, Church History, 54/3 (1985): 311-323
Brundage, James A., Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe, Chicago, University of Chicago Press, 1987.
Burrus, Virginia, The Making of Heretic: Gender Authority, and the Priscillianist Conroversy, Los Angeles, University of California Press, 1995.
Cleveland, Martha, “Sex in Marriage: At 40 and Beyond”, The Family Coordinator 25/3 (1976): 233-240.
“Codex Iustinianus”. Theodor Mommsen, Paul Kreuger, Rudolf Schoell, Corpus Iuris Civilis : Institutiones, Apud Weidmannos, 1968
“Codex Theodosianus”. Clyde Pharr, The Theodosian Code and Novels and the Sirmondian Constitutions, Princeton, Princeton University Press, 1952.
“Collectio Arelatensis” (CPL 1777) – Maasen, Munier, Corpus Christianorum, series latina, 48, Turnhout, Brepols Publishers, 1963. Available at: http://www.documentacatholicaomnia.eu/03d/0442-0456,_Concilium_Arelatense_II,_Canones,_LT.pdf.
Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, “Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics”, Human Sexuality, Kosnik Scepter Publishers (1976). Available at: http://www.scepterpublishers.org/product/samples/6202.pdf.
Crockett, Clayton, “On Sublimation: The Significance of Psychoanalysis for the Study of Religion”, Journal of American Academy of Religion 68/4 (2000): 837-55.
Duchesne, Louis Marie, Fastes épiscopaux de l’ancienne Gaule, 2, Paris, A. Fontemoing, 1910. Available at : https://archive.org/details/fastespiscopaux00duchgoog
Fernández Ubiña, José, “Mujer y matrimonio en el concilio de Elvira”, El Concilio de Elvira y su tiempo, edited by Manuel Satomayor Muro, José Fernández Ubiña, Granada, Universidad de Granada, 2005.
——— “Poder y corrupción en el episcopado hispano del siglo IV”, Studia Historica: Historia Antigua 24 (2006): 161-184.
Frazee, Charles A., “The Origins of Clerical Celibacy in the Western Church”, Church History 57 (1988): 108-126
Gaudemet, Jean, Le marriage en Occident : les mœurs et le droit, Paris, Cerf, 1987.
——— L’église dans l’empire romain: IVe-Ve siècles, Paris, Sirey, 1989.
Gregorius Magnus, “Epistula ad Symmachus defensor” – Philip Schaff, Henry Wace, Kevin Knight, Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers 12/2. Buffalo, Christian Literature Publishing.
———.“Epistula ad Anthemius subdiaconum” – Philip Schaff, Henry Wace, Kevin Knight, Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers 12/2. Buffalo, Christian Literature Publishing.
——— “Dialogi” (CPL 1713) – A. De Vogüe, Sources chrétiennes, Paris, 1978-1980.
——— “Regula Pastoris” (CPL 1712) – F. Rommel, Sources chrétiennes, 381-382, Paris, 1992.
Gregorius Turonensis, “Historia Francorum qui cerperunt Iherusalem” – Rymond D’aguilers, John Hugh Hill, Laurita L. Hill, Historia Francorum qui cerperunt Iherusalem (Memoirs of the American Philosophical Society 71), Philadelphia, American Philosophical Society, 1968.
Holland, Glen, “Celibacy in the Early Christian Church”, Celibacy and Religious Traditions, edited by Carl Olson, Oxford, Oxford University Press, 2007.
James, W., “Marital Coital Rates, Spouses Ages, Family Size and Social Class”, Journal of Sex Research, 10/3 (1974): 205-218.
Jochens, Jenny, Women in Old Norse Society, Ithica, Cornell University Press, 1998.
Jones, Allen E., Social Mobility in Late Antique Gaul: Strategies and Opportunities for Non-elite, Cambridge, Cambridge University Press, 2009.
Justo, Fernández Alonso, La cura Pastoral en la España Romanovisigoda, Rome, Iglesia Nacional Española, 1955.
Kaplan, H, The New Sex Therapy, New York, Quadrangle, 1974.
Koltun-Fromm, Naomi, “Sexuality and Holiness: Semitic Christian and Jewish Conceptualizations of Sexual Behaviour”, Vigiliæ Christianæ 54/4 (2000): 375-395.
Leon Magnus, “Epistula CLXVII. ad Rusticum Narbonensem episcopum” (CPL 1656) – Ballerini, Patrologia Latina, 54, 1846.
Markus, Robert Austin, Gregory the Great and His World, Cambridge, Cambridge University Press, 1997.
Martindale, C. C., “A Sketch of the Life and Character of St. Augustine” St. Augustin, edited by M. C. D’Arcy, New York, Meridian Books, 1957.
Murphy, Margaret Gertrude, “St. Basil and Monasticism”, Catholic University of America Series on Patristic Studies, 25, New York, AMS Press, 1930.
Noonan, John Thomas, Contraception: A History of its Treatment by the Catholic Theologian and Canonist, enlarged edition, Cambridge, Harvard University Press, 2012.
O’Collins, Gerald; Farrugia, Edward G, A Concise Dictionary of Theology, Mahwah (New Jersey), Paulist Press, 2000.
Rapp, Claudia, Holy Bishops in Late Antiquity: The Nature of Christian Leadership in an Age of Transition. Los Angeles, University of California Press, 2005.
Richards, Jeffrey, Consul of God : The Life and Times of Gregory the Great, Boston, Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1980.
Richardson, Cyril C., “Love: Greek and Christian” The Journal of Religion 23/3 (1943): 173-185.
Roberts, Michæl John, The Humblest of Sparrow : The Poetry of Venantius Fortunatus, Ann Arbor, University of Michigan Press, 2009.
Rose, H., “The Bride of Hades”, Classical Philology 20/October, 1925.
Signorile, Michelangelo, “Father Bernard Lynch, Gay Catholic Priest, Reveals He’s Married to a Man, Non-Celibate” The Huffington Post, July 10. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/father-bernard-lynch-gay-catholic-priest-talks_n_1661887.html.
Sipe, Richard, Celibacy in Crisis: A Secret World Revisited, London, Routledge, 2003.
Smith, Bruce R., “Premodern Sexualities”, Modern Language Association 115/3 (2000): 318-329.
Smith, Kathryn A., “Inventing Marital Chastity: The Iconography of Susanna and the Elders in Early Christian Art”, The Oxford Journal of Art 16/1 (1993): 3-24.
Soble, Alan G., “Correcting Some Misconceptions about St. Augustine’s Sex Life”, Journal of the History of Sexuality 11/4 (2002): 545-569.
Teja, Ramón, Emperadores, obispos, monjes y mujeres: protagonistas del Cristianismo antiguo, Madrid, Editorial Trotta, 1999.
Tertullianus, “Ad uxorem” (CPL 12), ed. A. Kroymann, Quinti Septimi Florentis Tertulliani Opera. Pars I: Opera catholica. Aduersus Marcionem, Turnhout, 1954 (CC SL 1), 373-394.
“The Canons of the First Lateran Council (1123)” – Schroeder, H. J., Disciplinary Decrees of the General Councils: Text, Translation and Commentary, St. Louis, B. Herder, 1937.
“The Seven Ecumenical Councils” – Philip Schaff, Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers 14/2 – Christian Classics Ethereal Library, 2009.
Velázquez, Isabel, “El Suggerendum de Tarra a Recaredo”, Antiquité Tardive, 4 (1996): 291-298.
Venantius, Fortunatus, “Carmina” – Leo, Monumentum Germaniæ Historica, 4/1, 1881; Judith W. George, Venantius Fortunatus: A Latin Poet in Merovingian Gaul, Oxford, Clarendon Press, 1992.
Vives, José; Tomás Marín Martínez; Gonzalo Díez, Concilios Visigóticos e Hispano-Romanos, Madrid, Consejo Superior de Investigaciónes Científicas Instituto Enrique Flórez, 1963.
William, E. K., Sensual Celibacy: The Sexy Woman’s Guide Too Using Abstinence for Recharging Your Spirit, Discovering Your Passions, Achieving Greater Intimacy in Your next Relationship, New York, Fireside Publishing, 1999.
Wolter, D. L., Sex and Celibacy: Establishing Balance in Intimate Relationships through Temporary Sexual Abstinence, Minneapolis, Deaconess, 1992.
Zuk, Fabian D., De Episcopis Hispaniarum : Agents of Transformation in the Long Fifth Century, Montréal, Université de Montréal – Universidad de Salamanca, 2014.

Leave a Reply

Armand Forster Cannot Be Trusted

Armand doesn’t convince with logic. He can’t, because the...

Armand Forster Cannot Be Trusted

Armand doesn’t convince with logic. He can’t, because the...

History with Swear Words – Part 37 – The Fucking Crusades

There’s a stupid fucking idea going around that goes...

San Francisco Best Thai Massage Spas

Whether you’re just visiting San Francisco tourist attractions and...

Neanderthal Lives Matter

I Am Sub-Human I know, I know, you’ve suspected...

Bigmouth Strikes Again

“Nothing I say is provocative. They are just facts.”...

In-Group Preference & the Game

Imagine you are on a soccer team. The opposing...

Hot Dogs and Sock Puppets

Mr. Prigozhin sold hot dogs. It was the early...

The Rohingya Deception

According to CNN and most every other Western news...

18 Things You can DO to End Gun Violence…

So you want to end gun violence? Cool. Me...

ISIS Versus Trudeau in Edmonton

Stupidity is Our Strength! In my hometown, Edmonton, some...

Shanghai Oil Contract is Black Gold

Shanghai Oil Contract threatens to overturn U.S. dollar hegemony....

Ben Shapiro at Berkeley 2017

Although I didn’t have a ticket to see Ben...

The Beaver Dam Letter

This is an actual letter sent to a man...

Marxists Upset They Have to Pay to Visit Karl Marx Grave.

Despite being famous for advocating a system without private...